I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
