i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Bring me that man meat
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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