yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
