He is such a slut. More and more my type.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
