I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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