I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sobbing to NWA
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
