Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
