You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?