I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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