Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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