Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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