Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
