I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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