Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
please don't ironically join a cult
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