Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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