the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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