that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
