he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
