Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
