I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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