I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So drunk its hurt
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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