It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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