You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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