Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
