the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
