win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
