There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
