fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
