I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
