oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
