Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
