I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
