Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
