this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
