just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Houston, we have a blender
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
