U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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