My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
