If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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