I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
