so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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