I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
