I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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