I want to make a zoo with you.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.