So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.