I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.