I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.