I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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