i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
40s are totally the cure
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
