Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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