I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
