...so i touched it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
