well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
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so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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