i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
