I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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