found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
