What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
