Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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