Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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