I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
