help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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