About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize