he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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