So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
