If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize