I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
