I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
