Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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